Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
