Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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