Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
