Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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