So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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