I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
