I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I bet he comes in French.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
