Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
