6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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