I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
