oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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