and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
