No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
