My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
