my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
