Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
