Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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