You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Houston, we have a squirter
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
MIDGETS
????
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
