I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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