My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I deserve to be covered in dicks
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
