Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
