Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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