I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I need a burrito and a hug.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
