New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
