Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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