A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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