he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You pole danced in your parka.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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