I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
