he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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