Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize