do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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