The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
