You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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