Swine flu. Run for my life!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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