We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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