I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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