I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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