I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
