mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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