Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
