I'm really into asian looking animals
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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