for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
