so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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