Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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