she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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