can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
