you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
