I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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