Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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