I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
