So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
