wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
