Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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