the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
