This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize