you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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