MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Randomize
