He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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